My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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