walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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