When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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