Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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