you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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