I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize