OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize