Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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