Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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