I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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