Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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