Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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