Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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