I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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