dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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