dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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