C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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