This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize