Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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