If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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