FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She bit a glass in half.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize