I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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