I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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