i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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