yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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