he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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