"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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