she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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