dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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