I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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