she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize