I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize