Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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