I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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