Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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