why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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