I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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