remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize