My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize