I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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