either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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