While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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