He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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