if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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