Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
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can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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