you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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