Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize