u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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