there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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