i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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